i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
