Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
