i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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