Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
