The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
