She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
