She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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