Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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