So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
