I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
