I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
