I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
