i think my mom watched the whole time
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
