boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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