According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
