I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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