i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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