I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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