he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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