No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
