If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
