I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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