yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
