Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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