Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
