can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
