he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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