Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
