he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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