i would punch a child for taco bell
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
