He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
