mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
