Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize