i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize