Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
