I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
