Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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