I'm so fucking centered right now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
