the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
