Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
