i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
