remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize