youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
