At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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