hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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