we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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