i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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