If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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