my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
