U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
