Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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