Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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