was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
