pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
