How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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