Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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