he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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