i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
