Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
