You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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