i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
