Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
