now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
