a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
