Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
