That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Still dying that you shit outside
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
