I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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