Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
