Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
