just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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