What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
