new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
