I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize