If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
