Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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