Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
