I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
