There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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