I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
