You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
