Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize