I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
