You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
