How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
