Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
