He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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