P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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