i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
