OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
