I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
