I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize