So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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