You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
