I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
