ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
