imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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