PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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