my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
