So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize