Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you win again, gameday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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