ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Terrible idea I love it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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