you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
